Day 38 – SOS Poetry Project

Your True Need – Self Care
By Barbara Brennan

Beneath your paradox you will find…

How you have not cared for yourself.
How you have not
followed your sacred longing.
How you have not attended moment to moment
the wave of your creativity,
as you move through your life.

It becomes as simple as this:
In what way are you uncomfortable
in this very moment? Your reaction
may be to go up against something.

But what are your natural responses?
Your response of self care
may be to slightly shift your body,
to eat something that you are hungry for.
What is it that you have longed to do
and have continually placed
into a so-called future that does not exist?

What of your soul’s longing
Have you put off into this future
in the name of taking care of another,
which then becomes the excuse
to stand up against the other?

You focus your attention and your energies
toward the other
rather than using them
for your self-transmutation.

Gayle’s Reflection:

How have I not cared for myself? Hmmmh… I can make that list long if I go back far enough. To start with, I learned early on that my own needs weren’t as important as the needs of other people, especially, people outside the family. This created problems with boundaries, self- worth and it took me decades to even realize it was happening.

I have been learning that my needs DO matter to me. The way I used to self- sacrifice in order to feel accepted or loved really didn’t work very well long term. I was often left feeling used and depleted.

I had to deeply understand the word “selfish”. I stripped it down, tore off the negative accusatory, punishing cocoon around it and slow began to embrace it, recognizing that being selfish really means I can and do put my needs first.

As a woman we understand that there are eons of patriarchal domination where we had to be subservient in order to survive. Being selfish could result in many negative life altering outcomes.

In addition, when we bear and raise children, their needs are put in priority over our own. There is in place a programming that our needs get met last, if at all. To alter this script we must become very conscious to what our needs are.

Begin to name them…
I need emotional understanding and physical affection on a regular basis from those around me.
I need mental stimulation and conversation regularly.
I enjoy creating fun things to do.
Having help with household tasks keeps me from feeling depleted.

Barbara starts with the sacred longing. My sacred longing has continuously been put in the future. Sometimes a portion of it arrives reminding me how much I love it. If only I could quit worrying about paying the bills, I may be able to tap in and breathe more life force into my sacred longing. A practice I am happily doing… allowing God’s Will to guide me.

Taking care of my natural responses and bodily needs has become my focus and emphasis. I do follow my wave better when I meet my physical needs.

It’s the creative part that was trampled on in early life that continues to be elusive. Railing against those who stepped on me, I continue to stand up against with my unresolved anger about it. Perhaps it would benefit me to soften and surrender my battle there and give myself permission to have space, time and support for my creative flow.

Doing this project is helping me achieve that creative flow, by further walking along the path toward my sacred longing. I choose now to focus my energies here.

Thank you Barbara, I now know and choose to engage my sweet longing.

See you tomorrow,
Love Gayle